Washington, D. C. — Taking its cue from the International Astronomical Union, which declared in 2006 that the celestial body known as Pluto was to be re-designated a “dwarf planet,” The Republican National Committee today has reclassified Senator John McCain as a “Dwarf Republican.”
“The same thought process the IAU used in connection to Pluto went into the resolution regarding Senator McCain,” said an RNC spokesperson. “When compared to other Republicans such as Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and the Bush family, McCain just doesn’t meet the criteria. His orbit is just a tad off.”
McCain denounced the resolution, affirming that he is no Plutoid. “If one considers Reagan to be Jupiter and Bush to be from Mars,” said the senator, “then I’m definitely Uranus.”
McCain joins ranks with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sen. Chuck Hagel, the latest Republicans to whom the “Dwarf” designation has been assigned.