A Palestinian Olympic swimmer has declared he will not “breathe the same air” as the Israeli athletes.
Month: August 2008
"Marriage"
mar · riage (mar’ ij) n. Union between a man and the woman he will eventually leave for his younger, more attractive mistress. SEE: JOHN MCCAIN,
Chinese Accuse Phelps of Performance Enhancement
BEIJING — Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps has been accused by Chinese officials of ingesting highly nutritious substances to enhance his performance in the swimming events. Chow Li Lo, the president of China’s Olympic Committee, says initial tests showed increased levels of vitamins, antioxidants and “other nutrients” in Phelps’s blood.
McCain to Defend Georgia with “Surge of One”
WASHINGTON, DC — John McCain has volunteered to pilot an F-16 to confront the Russian army and put an end to the fighting in Georgia.
Bush Soils Constitution
In a press conference last Friday, Dr. Lamont Dandle, head curator for the National Archives, announced that one of the remaining original, handwritten copies of the United States Constitution had been damaged beyond repair — and President Bush was to blame.
John McCain Ad | War is Good
John McCain’s new political commercial.
Congress Outsources Workload to Malaysia
WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Congress is outsourcing its workload to a contactor in Malaysia, according to a report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office. Beginning this month, the laborious task of lawmaking will be sent to the Tengku Wan Consulting and Sewage Company in Kuala Lumpur.
McCain Rejects Endorsement from Talking Jesus Head
CLEVELAND, OH – Senator McCain rejected yet another religious endorsement, today, this time from a battery-operated, talking Jesus head. Purchased by McCain for 29.95, “The
Bill Clinton Kicks Reporter’s Ass
WEST PALM BEACH, FL — A reporter was nearly beaten to death last night after a confrontation with former president Bill Clinton, who was vacationing in the resort town with his family.
Barack Obama to Open for Led Zeppelin
CHICAGO — Barack Obama will be the opening act for Led Zeppelin’s “Man Are We Old” 2009 World Reunion tour, replacing Toto, the aging rock
