Senators Seek to Legalize Bribery, Solicitation of Gay Sex

Legalizing bribery and male prostitution.
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senators Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Larry Craig (R-Idaho) have introduced legislation that would make it legal for elected officials to accept bribes and solicit gay prostitutes in public facilities.

The Senators introduced their legislation, S. 846772, the “Bribery and Gay Male Prostitute Legalization Act” last week and the bill is currently under consideration by the full Senate.

“The passage of this bill,” said Sen. Craig, “will mean greater freedom for members of Congress to engage in a wide spectrum of questionable activities, without fear of political repercussions.”

“The ridiculous way Congress prohibits the financial compensation of its members in exchange for their votes will finally be a thing of the past,” added Sen. Stevens. “Multi-national corporations, heretofore unnoticed and invisible, will be able to make the voices of their stockholders heard.”

“Just imagine,” added Craig, “a country where your congressman can go into any city across this great land and openly and honestly seek out raw, carnal man-sex without having to resort to ineffective innuendoes and demeaning foot gestures.”

Their colleague, Sen. David Vitter (R-Louisiana), has applauded the bill and introduced an amendment which would require the phone numbers of legislators to appear in the records of high-priced prostitution rings. “Immediate access to lawmakers is vital,” noted Sen. Vitter, “if we expect commerce and industry to blossom in this economy.”

If the bill makes its way through the senate, it heads to the House of Representatives. Rep. William Jefferson (D-Louisiana) said the bill sounded extremely partisan, but agreed to sign-off on it if additional wording were added, permitting bribery funds to be stockpiled in consumer-grade freezers.

President Bush threatened to veto the legislation if it makes it to his desk, unless additional provisions are included, safe-guarding a president’s right to trample the Constitution, deceive the American people and overthrow foreign governments.

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