EDISON, NJ — Assistant underwriter Jordan Harber was checking his email this morning, when he received an offer to enlarge his penis for only $17.95. According to the instructions, he could pay online using any major credit card.
Harber expressed his exuberance at receiving the notice. “I don’t know who these people are — or how they found me,” he said, “but this is truly life-altering.”
The 27-year-old bank employee, who claims his penis is often mistaken for his thumb “or little toe,” responded to the ad by entering his American Express number and ordering the product, “whatever it is.”
“With the the new-found confidence I’ll gain from increasing the size of my manhood, my lovelife will surely increase, as well,” noted Harber, who said he was impressed with the technology that “specifically targets advertisments to people who need their products.”
“I mean, how in the world did they know ?”
Within minutes of responding to the penis enlargment message, he received another email promising “dates with hundreds of available singles in your area.”
“What luck!” he exclaimed. “Just wait until all those available single women get a load of my newer, longer penis. And I owe it all to some person in some marketing office somewhere, who believed his product could change my life and had the courage to email me about it.”
“Someone must be looking out for me,” he added.