WASHINGTON, DC — The Government Accounting Office reported today that the man McCain refers to as “Joe the Plumber” has been paid $4 million dollars from the U.S. government to replace a washer at a military facility in New Jersey.
The famous plumber told reporters that he was contacted by the Trenton Naval Weapons Station to fix a leaky faucet in a men’s room on the base.
“I used a 3/8 inch beveled faucet washer that I purchased from an Ace Hardware store,” Joe explained in an interview from his newly acquired beach house in Cape Cod, adding that the $4 million in charges included labor, in addition to the part.
Senator McCain applauded Joe the Plumber’s business acumen. “Here is a small businessman who has earned four million dollars this year,” he said. “I want him to keep his money, but under Senator Obama’s plan, he would receive a tax increase.”
Senator Obama responded that the millions of dollars the government spends on padded invoices and unsubstantiated overcharges submitted by businessmen like Joe should be taxed like lottery winnings and spread out among the American people.
McCain disagreed, calling Obama’s plan Socialism. “When an entrepreneur exploits a public agency for profit, that’s the free market system, my friend, and Senator Obama was to regulate it.”
“Senator McCain wants you to believe that contractor graft will trickle down to the rest of Americans who will never have a chance to do business with the federal government,” said Obama. “We’ve seen over the last eight years that nothing ever trickles down.”
The facility supervisor for the Naval base might disagree, reporting that the faucet in question is, in fact, still trickling. “We’ve been calling this guy for weeks to come back and fix the damn thing,” said LCMR Jorge Zamora. “We’ve left dozens of voicemails, but he doesn’t return our calls.”
Joe the Plumber said he won’t be returning to the base to repair the leak until after the election on November 4. “I need to know who’s in office,” he said, “before I can calculate my fees for a follow-up call.”