In a press conference last Friday, Dr. Lamont Dandle, head curator for the National Archives, announced that one of the remaining original, handwritten copies of the United States Constitution had been damaged beyond repair — and President Bush was to blame.
Year: 2008
John McCain Ad | War is Good
John McCain’s new political commercial.
Congress Outsources Workload to Malaysia
WASHINGTON, DC—The United States Congress is outsourcing its workload to a contactor in Malaysia, according to a report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office. Beginning this month, the laborious task of lawmaking will be sent to the Tengku Wan Consulting and Sewage Company in Kuala Lumpur.
McCain Rejects Endorsement from Talking Jesus Head
CLEVELAND, OH – Senator McCain rejected yet another religious endorsement, today, this time from a battery-operated, talking Jesus head. Purchased by McCain for 29.95, “The
Bill Clinton Kicks Reporter’s Ass
WEST PALM BEACH, FL — A reporter was nearly beaten to death last night after a confrontation with former president Bill Clinton, who was vacationing in the resort town with his family.
Barack Obama to Open for Led Zeppelin
CHICAGO — Barack Obama will be the opening act for Led Zeppelin’s “Man Are We Old” 2009 World Reunion tour, replacing Toto, the aging rock
Senators Seek to Legalize Bribery, Solicitation of Gay Sex
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senators Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Larry Craig (R-Idaho) have introduced legislation that would make it legal for elected officials to accept bribes
Bush Set to Attack “Life Forms” on Mars
NASA’s recent confirmation that water exists on Mars has the White House maneuvering in an offensive posture. Should scientists discover life on the red planet
McCain Reclassified as “Dwarf Republican”
Washington, D. C. — Taking its cue from the International Astronomical Union, which declared in 2006 that the celestial body known as Pluto was to
McCain Advises Iraqi Pilots to Get Shot Down
Recounting how his own Naval record — being shot out of the sky as a young pilot, his subsequent capture by the enemy and incarceration
