WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican National Committee filed for bankruptcy today in the U.S. Court of Ideas, citing decades of doctrines that don’t work and an inability to generate new thoughts and workable models for society.
The GOP has been operating on an idea deficit for decades, according to court documents, and now its members are unable to create enough inspiration to bring their collective consciousness into the black.
“We should have filed eight years ago,” said former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. “The GOP has been deliberating far above its means, for way too long.”
Their most recent brainstorm involved morphing House Republicans into a single voting block to symbolically oppose the economic recovery package, while repeating the phrases “this is not a stimulus bill” and “it’s a sad day for America” in unison.
“We thought we were back in business with that one,” lamented House Republican Leader John Boehner (R-OH), “Maybe we should have had them grimace more into the cameras.”
“We’ve depleted the idea bank for our grandchildren,” grumbled Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY). “Future generations of Republicans will have to either come up with billions of high-quality ideas on their own, or vote Democratic.”
“The Golden Era of consuming ideas that we don’t have is over,” noted Gingrich. “The GOP can no longer wait for its own principles to bear fruit.”
“It’s a sad day for America,” added McConnell.
Unlike traditional bankruptcy, the Court of Ideas offers no Chapter 11 protection, which would have allowed Republicans to reorganize their thoughts.