WHITTIER, CA — Two of the eight babies born to the California “Octo-Mom” have turned out to be alligators. The twin reptiles, 12 inches long, are said to be doing well.
Dr. Johann Pestanciti, the obstetrician who performed the cesarean section on Nadya Suleman, said he was at first baffled by the reptilian deliveries. “After pulling out the first three human babies, I looked down and saw two bumpy grey tails,” said the doctor. “So I yanked them out, handed them to the nurse and told her to flush them down the toilet.”
The nurse, instead, cleaned the gators and placed them temporarily into a terrarium in the waiting room.
It is not yet known how fertilized alligator eggs ended up in Suleman’s reproductive system. “They’re normally the size of goose eggs,” said John McHoldell, curator of the Florida Museum of Natural History. “I can’t believe this was just another fertility clinic slip-up.”
Suleman’s mother offered some insight into the situation. “My daughter’s always had affection for crocodilians,” she said. “On her fourth birthday, she made a wish that baby alligators would one day emerge from her uterus. Normal kid gibberish — I didn’t think anything of it at the time.”
According to insiders, Ms. Suleman has already hired a publicist and an animal trainer, and is looking to host her own daytime talk show or circus exhibit.
Ms. Suleman’s purported desire to set a new record for multiple births, however, may be all for naught. The Guinness Book of World Records released a statement saying that the octuplets would have to be either all-human or all-alligator to be considered for their publication, finding “nothing compelling about six humans and two alligators.”
Despite demands from the ASPCA that the alligators be released into the wilds of Florida, Ms. Suleman announced plans to home school them, along with her other children.