PACIFIC OCEAN — An alliance of squid, eels, rays, deep sea bass and other marine animals voiced their opposition to North Korea’s launch of a missile over the weekend that struck deep into their territory.
Thousands of their respective species, as well as turtles, dolphins, seahorses, sponges, and plankton, were either killed or seriously sautéed in the strike.
The alliance called the attack “totally unprovoked.”
“This missile was deliberately targeted at a strategic, underwater population,” said one of the eels, “and was designed to create as many casualties as possible.”
A press release issued by the blue whales asked for immediate action to be taken. “We call upon our allies in all strata of the ecosystem to rebuke this insidious act of aggression.”
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il denied his government was targeting the marine animals. “Little sea creatures, you are mistaken,” he said. “Our missile deployed a satellite into a deep space orbit, far above the oceans.”
“Satellite, my funnel!” said a giant squid. “I lost eight thousand of my family members in the attack, and now I have cheap Korean shrapnel embedded in my number three tentacle.”
A rally is set for Thursday in the Sea of Japan. Most of the sea creatures will be attending, with the exception of the coral.
“It’s too much doom and gloom, if you ask me,” said one of the crusty creatures noted for its hard, calcified shell. “The way I see it, Mr. Jong-Il has done us a favor by creating a large heap of something to attach ourselves to, enabling us to continually reproduce for a hundred thousand years.”
As if to prove its point, the coral fastened itself to the mangled lower section of the missile and released an abundance of sperm into the water. “Show a little gratitude, for godsakes.”