LAKEWOOD, OHIO — Over a year has passed since the 2008 presidential election, and Dennis Kucinich still thinks he won. “I am confident,” said Kucinich, “that once the American people examine the facts, they will agree that I am their president.”
The Democratic congressman from Ohio has been touring the country, giving Al Gore-style Powerpoint presentations to high schools and church groups (“I don’t go to synagogues anymore; they don’t believe anything“), trying to convince audiences that it’s still mathematically possible for him to have been elected leader of the free world.
“Our electoral college system is very complex,” he explained. “For Obama to have been sent to the White House, a lot of the complexities had to have been completely overlooked.”
Kucinich created a computer model that uses data from every state since the election of George Washington to recalculate the presdiential race of 2008, and contends that “in every conceivable permutation, I win.”
So far, his message has fallen on deaf ears. The Supreme Court has refused to hear his arguments and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has warned him to “behave himself.”
“I will not behave,” bellowed a beligerent Kucinich. “I will not rest until the American people are told the truth and their righteous leader restored to power.”
Kucinich said he appreciates the support of the hundreds of millions of Americans who voted for him, and asked for their patience while he untertakes the gruelling process of searching for their “mysteriously unaccounted-for ballots” and reclaiming his presidency.
For Kucinich, that process — which he concedes could take years to resolve — is more a matter of principle than policy. “By the time I am officially declared the 44th president,” he said, “my term will have ended.”