We as Republicans, under the guise of a separate entity known as the Tea Party, offer the following:
A Plan to Improve the Constitution
- We will repeal and replace the First Amendment with the Second.
- We will add Fox News as the newly created fourth branch of government.
A Plan to Improve Race Relations
- We will bring back the word “Negro.”
A Plan to Support Capitalism and the Free Market
- We will change the Motto of the United States to “Buyer Beware.”
A Plan to Keep our Nation Secure at Home & Abroad
- We will convert all Muslims to Christianity to thwart their attempts to take over the world.
- We will employ Rand Paul’s bodyguards to stomp on the heads of people we don’t like.
A Plan for Gays and Lesbians
- We will declare homosexuality a disease and prohibit gay people from marrying until there’s a cure.
A Plan to Stop Out of Control Spending & Reduce the Size of Government
- We will prohibit government intrusions into the lives of people who make over $250,000 a year.
A Plan to Support Issues Important to Woman
- We will appoint Newt Gingrich to fill position as first “Women’s Health Czar.”
- We will affirm that life begins at ejaculation.
- We will appoint Justice Clarence Thomas to fill position as first “Porn Czar.”
- We will declare Bristol Palin the winner of Dancing with the Stars.
- We will provide makeover for Sharron Angle so she looks more like Christine O’Donnell and Sarah Palin and less like a shriveled apple witch doll.
We will uphold our principles and fight for all American’s, be they white, caucasian, male or Christian.