‘Obama Is Serial Killer Whose Murderous Rampage Must Stop,’ Says Mitt Romney

DES MOINES, Iowa (TheSkunk.org) — GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney today accused President Obama of being a psychopathic serial killer, whose trail of dead corpses has put our country’s financial system at risk of total collapse.

Not a Serial Killer

DES MOINES, Iowa (TheSkunk.org) — GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney today accused President Obama of being a psychopathic serial killer, whose trail of dead corpses has put our country’s financial system at risk of total collapse.

“Since the day he took the oath of office,” said the former Massachusetts governor, “the president has been going from neighborhood to neighborhood in the dead of night, pulling women, children, and old people out of their beds, thrusting a 9-inch dagger into their hearts, then dragging their lifeless bodies back to Washington and burying them in the Rose Garden.”

Romney contends the voters who put Obama into office in 2008 would never have elected him had they known of his nefarious activities.

“For the past three years, this president has been committing some of the most heinous homicides this country has ever seen,” claimed Romney. “How’s all that ‘Hope and Change’ looking now?”

He said the reason he is running for president is because “the bloody carnage left behind by President Obama is simply bad for the economy.”

“Having a serial killer in the White House is seen by investors as a sign of instability,” he said. “The business community doesn’t like the uncertainty of not knowing when he will strike again, who will live and who will die, or how many lives will be taken.”

Romney pledged that once in office, he will discontinue the policy of murdering innocent citizens. “Unlike the president,” he noted, “I don’t believe that killing people and having sex with their dead bodies is the way to stimulate the economy.”

“His murdering has not created a single job,” he added, “and carving his initials into his victims’ foreheads is nothing but a campaign stunt, and has done nothing to solve the housing crisis.”

 

 

Braddon Mendelson