Egyptians Elect Tutankhamen

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CAIRO (TheSkunk.org) — The results of the Egyptian presidential election are in, and dark horse candidate Tutankhamen,  aka “King Tut” — the legendary pharaoh of the 18th dynasty (1332 BC – 1323 BC) — has been chosen as the country’s newly elected democratic leader.

Tutankhamen, who originally ascended to the throne when he was nine, barely squeaked by Muslim Brotherhood candidate, Mohammed Morsi and Ahmed Shafiq, the last prime minister of former president Hosni Mubarak.

“This is really a treat for us,” said a man waving an Egyptian flag and dancing in the street. “To choose one of the great pharaohs to reign over Egypt in the 21st century is an amazing commentary, not only on our longevity as a people, but on how really fucked up this democracy thing is.”

Not everyone has shown enthusiasm for the new regime, however. The losing candidates have demanded a recount. “This guy wasn’t even on the ballot,” said Morsi. “Something is not right about this, definitely not right.”

Officials in the Egyptian army said they will turn over power to the pharaoh once he has been officially sworn in and they can locate his mummified intestines.

“President Tutankhamen will be a leader we can all be proud of,” said Major-General Mohamed El Assar, a member of the ruling army council. “The fact the he has been dead for over three thousand years, well, that will have little impact on how we in the military will rule – er, I mean, he, him, Tutankhamen – how Tutankhamen will rule over his people.”

It is not yet known whether the reinstated leader will be addressed as “President ,” “Pharaoh,” or “Dead Mummy Guy.”

 

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