Chris Christie Insists Gay Houseboy is ‘Just a Friend’
Governor Chris Christie (R-NJ) insists his relationship with a Filipino houseboy is purely professional.
TRENTON, NJ (TheSkunk.org) — Denying rumors of an inappropriate relationship with the young Filipino man who cleans his house and washes his clothes, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today insisted Hermes Mendoza is nothing more than a “good friend.”
“This innuendo is starting to piss me off,” said Christie. “If my houseboy wants to serve me a rum and Coke wearing only a pair of sheer nylon stockings, that’s his choice and nobody’s fucking business.”
Reporters pressed the governor on reports of secretive Friday night meetings with Mendoza at his office in the capitol building. “So what? Naked poker is a man’s game,” noted Christie. “It has nothing to do with man-on-man sexual activity or getting aroused by staring at a set of tight and sweaty six-pack abs that take your breath away. Go fuck yourselves.”
Christie said he should be praised for giving employment to a minority. “He’s a gay Filipino man with only nine fingers,” he explained, “who came to this country seeking the American Dream. If he wants to go that extra mile by gently washing my genitals while I take a bath, or tickling that sensitive area around my prostate with his thumb, I think that’s showing real entrepreneurial initiative.”
Christie warned reporters not to read anything into the naked baths. “I can’t reach my toes, okay? This guy is very thorough, and he gets my feet clean enough to eat off of.”
“Mr. Mendoza is a trusted advisor with great-smelling breath,” added Christie. “I know what you’re thinking and you’re all assholes, so shut the fuck up!”
