Congressional Hearing Reveals Millions Have Trouble Signing Up for Death Panels

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — In yet another blow to the launch of the Affordable Care Act, users who tried to sign up for death panel benefits experienced delays and error messages, according to testimony delivered before the House Ways and Means Committee Tuesday.  Medicare chief Marilyn Tavenner told lawmakers that over 70 thousand applicants were unable to obtain coverage for one of the program’s signature benefits.

“This provision is very important to my older constituents,” remarked Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.). “Because of these so-called ‘glitches,’ many of them will die before they can have their lives terminated at the directive of government-appointed medical experts.”

The death panel section of the law was first brought to light by former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, who decoded a passage requiring Medicare to pay doctors for discussing living wills and health care directives with their patients before killing them.

Tavenner assured committee members that by November 31, the technical glitch will be corrected, and those seeking to have the ACA Board of Doctors decide the “time, place and manner of their death” will be able to sign up for this valuable benefit before the open enrollment period ends.

Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) called out Republicans for their hypocrisy on the subject.  “For three years, the GOP has derided the ACA for its inclusion of death panels,” he said, “and now they are crying crocodile tears over a few hiccups in the enrollment process.”

Rep. Dave Camp (R-Mich.), the Ways and Means Committee chairman, said the failure of the death panel section of the website is further proof that Obamacare is a failure.  “The President should delay the activation of mandatory euthanasia until the site is fully operational.”

“This only reinforces how inept the government is at killing people,” added Camp.  “The death of our citizens should be left to the private sector.”