Bush Library: “Not in My backyard”

WASHINGTON, DC — The creation of the George W. Bush Presidential Library hit yet another snag this week, when Montana refused to issue a building permit. This makes it the seventh state – after Utah, Oklahoma, Missouri, Virginia, West Virginia and Florida — to reject the President’s proposed home for his administration’s legacy.

“We couldn’t wait to get rid of him after eight years,” said a spokesperson for Montana’s Office of Public Works, who asked to remain anonymous. “Why would we want a permanent reminder of his failed presidency in our backyard?”

In a conciliatory gesture, the Montana Senate voted to rename a landfill after the president, but rescinded the legislation after workers in the sanitation department threatened to walk out.

“Montanans can live without a presidential library,” said a legislative aide, “but they need a place for their trash.”

The Bush team’s alternate plan to build the library on foreign soil has met with equally disappointing results. Representatives for Kuwait have turned down requests from the administration to purchase real estate anywhere within its borders, as have Namibia, Pakistan, Great Britain, Lebanon, Greece, Holland, Bosnia, Zimbabwe and Taiwan.

Fearing a White House request might be forthcoming, the Palestinians have pleaded with Israel to quickly rebuild their settlements on all occupied territories. “This way,” explained Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas, “we can say to President Bush, ‘We simply have no room for such a building.'”

The President said if a suitable location cannot be obtained, he will seek permission to share floor space in the library of his father, former President George Herbert Walker Bush, located on the West Campus of Texas A&M University. In an Op-Ed piece in the New York Times, the 41st president expressed his reluctance, stating that it would be confusing to have a “double Bush library.”

“For example,” wrote the senior Bush, “people might think that he was the one who served as Ambassador to the United Nations, or that I was the one who let those people in New Orleans suffer needlessly.” He added, “A word of advice: If you want your son to follow in your footsteps, give him a different name.”

NASA has chimed in as an unlikely champion of the project, saying they would relish the opportunity to construct the Bush library as a test facility on Mars, making it the first structure built in the noxious and unbreathable atmosphere of the red planet. “We’d love to see the president cut the ribbon on opening day,” said an assistant NASA administrator. “We’ll even provide the transportation.”