Employment Up for Stupid People
Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics.
WASHINGTON — Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics.
In addition, findings indicated the jobless rate for buffoons was down 8%, with the filing of new unemployment claims tapering off substantially for nincompoops, pinheads and simpletons.
Officials attributed the uptick to 800 new WalMart stores that opened nationwide over the past year.
While the news wasn’t all positive — additional data suggested that jackasses and knotheads still had problems finding employers willing to hire them — the White House was encouraged enough to use the statistics to declare the recession among ignoramuses has ended, and predicted more job creation for blockheads, cretins, dodos, dumbbells and fatheads in the near future, mostly in the government sector.
