DENVER — On the heels of Gatorade and other major companies terminating their sponsorship agreements with Tiger Woods, the Heritage Sperm Repository of Colorado Springs has announced a major endorsement deal with the renowned golfer.
Author: Braddon Mendelson
Palin Fans Can't Read Book
FORKS BEND, KY – Some fans of Sarah Palin were disappointed with the former Alaska Governor’s best seller, “Going Rogue,” when they realized they were unable to decipher its contents.
Bank Offers Free Anal Sex with Checking
NEW YORK — One of the nation’s hugest financial institutions is offering its customers free anal sex when they open a new account.
God Hates Newt Gingrinch
NEW YORK — The Lord God disclosed today in an interview with Keith Olbermann that he “really, really” despises former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich.
Joe Biden Crashes State Dinner
WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden exposed a breach in security last week when he showed up at a White House state dinner, uninvited.
Man Gives Right Nut for a Beer
GARDEN GROVE, CA – Lee Joseph Flanders told the clerk at the corner liquor store last Wednesday that he was so thirsty he would “give his right nut for a beer,” but when he reached for his wallet to purchase a 32-ounce Molson Lager, he came up a few dollars short.
World Asks: Who the F*** Are Jon and Kate?
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Television personalities “Jon and Kate” are the most baffling celebrities in the history of the entertainment industry, according to a recent poll conducted by TheSkunk.org.
Americans Flee to Guatemala to Escape Bleak Job Market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.
Palin Accidentally Burns Her Own Book
ANTWILLIE, TENN — Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin attended a book burning rally Friday, where she unwittingly participated in the incineration of hundreds of copies of her upcoming autobiography, “Going Rogue.”
