WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Rep. Michele Bachmann told reporters today that compulsive masturbation was unconstitutional, asserting that lawmakers cannot “force citizens to get themselves off.”
TOKYO (TheSkunk.org) — A couple of improperly fitted floor mats from a 2009 Toyota Camry were cited as the cause of the partial meltdown of reactor cores at Japan’s Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant.
ARLINGTON, VA (TheSkunk.org) — After reviewing the results of a nationwide study, the American Psychiatric Association has removed “patience” from its list of virtues in the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) – Calling it another example of why he believes it is bad for the economy to raise taxes during a recession, Speaker John Boehner laid blame for the recent 8.9 earthquake off the coast of Japan at the failed policies of the Obama administration.
PORT D’ANDRATX, Mallorca (TheSkunk.org) — A group of Somali pirates retreated from their armed assault on the cruise ship “Disney Magic” Friday after being mocked and manhandled by its passengers.
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Opposing efforts by Democrats in Congress to pass a no-lie zone over the nation’s capital, Republican lawmakers say they will defeat any legislation requiring honest discourse and veracity from elected officials.
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), vocal advocate for smaller government and Tea party favorite, has licensed her name and likeness to a new chain of nationwide abortion clinics.
JILIN PROVINCE, China (TheSkunk.org) — The Chinese government is hiring thousands of American workers to lay track for the country’s state-of-the-art, high-speed rail system.
Although Egyptian strongman Hosni Mubarak may soon be deposed and forced into exile by a populist uprising, his name will live on — at least if parents in the United States have their say. Recent public awareness of the embattled dictator has resulted in thousands of American parents imparting their newborns with the name “Hosni.”
Representative Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) is leading a contingent of Tea Party activists on a trip to Cairo to offer their expertise to the hundreds of thousands of Egyptian citizens who have been rallying against their government for over a week.
Trump Renames ‘Greenland’ to ‘White Land’ 
Trump to Remove Indigo from Color Spectrum 
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
