Enormous Mayonnaise Spill Threatens Lake Michigan
Vast amounts of mayonnaise continue to spill into Lake Michigan after an explosion at the Kraft Foods factory blasted a hole in a pipeline used to manufacture the sandwich spread.
Vast amounts of mayonnaise continue to spill into Lake Michigan after an explosion at the Kraft Foods factory blasted a hole in a pipeline used to manufacture the sandwich spread.
“They should consider it an internship,” said Bunning. “They will learn the inner workings of my life — where I keep the toilet paper, for instance, and how I clip my toenails — while gaining valuable, real-world job experience.”
A Toyota Camry sprouted wings and flew uncontrollably from a highway in Massachusetts into the 61st floor of the Empire State Building over the weekend.
BOSTON — Ever since Scott Brown was elected on Tuesday to fill the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy, Massachusetts voters have expressed their overwhelming disappointment with his inability to acccomplish anything.
WASHINGTON – A man wearing a teakettle on his head stated his opposition to President Obama’s healthcare reform legislation Saturday during a Tea Party protest held at the nation’s capitol.
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), who shot to fame by hollering “You lie!” during President Obama’s speech on healthcare, has been tapped to appear in a series of Budweiser commercials as the “Rudest Man in America.”
WASHINGTON, DC — Congressman Sal Dennison (D-OH) successfully inserted an amendment into a House bill, which would legalize marijuana for his own personal use.
BUTTE, MO — Due to a loophole in the federal “Cash for Clunkers” program, local dentist Halman Johnson was able to bring his wife of twenty-two years into the local Ford dealership and walk away with $4500 cash and a 2010 Escort Cabriolet hybrid.
WASHINGTON — Following his surprising switch to the Democratic Party, Senator Arlen Specter has announced that as of Monday he will no longer identify with the male gender, and will be joining the ranks of congressional females.
DENVER — The way out of the country’s economic woes is to let citizens print their own money, said President Barack Obama to a cheering crowd of unemployed construction workers in the Mile High City.