Ending days of speculation on what Pope Benedict XVI will be doing in retirement now that he has announced his resignation, the Pontiff told reporters he has accepted a job with RJ Reynolds Tobacco, and will be working to help Congress draft laws that are “sensible for the tobacco industry.”
Tag: pope
'Shroud of Urine' Authenticity Disputed in New Study
VATICAN CITY (TheSkunk.org) — The stained cloth that was allegedly wrapped around the loins of Jesus to absorb his final urination is a fake, according to a prominent scientist.
Pope Says Pedophilia Okay if Priests ‘Pull Out’
VATICAN CITY—Announcing new guidelines on child abuse, Pope Benedict XVI said all priests have been instructed to “pull out” before climaxing.
Pope Gives Bible a Second Look and Says It Makes No Sense
VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict XVI recently re-read the Bible and came to the conclusion that it made no sense. In a recent press conference, the Pontiff told reporters he decided to read the Holy Scriptures merely for pleasure, and was taken aback by “how confusing and illogical it is.”
Christ's Lover Chastises Gay Marriage Opponents
SACRAMENTO — Moses Josephson, the gay lover of Jesus Christ, returned from the dead on Good Friday to plead with anti-gay marriage activists to cease their activities.
Jesus' Suicide Note Unearthed
JERUSALEM — New archaeological evidence uncovered over the weekend suggests that Jesus was not sentenced to crucifixion by the Roman Empire as previously believed, but that he committed suicide by nailing his own writsts to the cross.
