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Congressman Legalizes Pot for Himself

Sal Dennison

WASHINGTON, DC — Congressman Sal Dennison (D-OH) successfully inserted an amendment into a House bill, which would legalize marijuana for his own personal use.

“I thought I’d give it a shot,” said Dennison, referring to how he snuck the one-sentence amendment into a bill on highway funding. “It was more of an experiment, to see if anyone would notice.”

Apparently, no one did.

HR 4885, “The Highway Improvement and Pot Legalization for Representative Dennison Act,” passed both houses of Congress and was signed into law by President Obama on Monday. Rep. Dennison is now the only American citizen legally allowed to use marijuana for any purpose, recreational or medicinal.

Dennison has turned his office on Capitol Hill into a sort of nursery for marijuana plants.  Cannabis leaves sprout from every drawer and cabinet.  A jar on his desk contains dozens of hand-rolled marijuana cigarettes. He freely admits his addiction to pot smoking and recently told his constituents that he really doesn’t want to do anything else.  They responded by donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to his reelection campaign.

“They kinda dig their pot-smokin’ congressman,” said Dennison. “They think it’s cool.”

But fellow members of the House of Representatives have expressed outrage. Speaker Pelosi called Dennison’s act reprehensible. “We tell our constituents that we read every word of every page of the legislation we pass,” she said at a press conference. “Now we have to look them in the eye and tell them that we either thought it was a good idea to legalize pot for Representative Dennison, or that we somehow skimmed over that part.”

The controversy doesn’t seem to bother Dennison.  He leaned back and took a drag from a three-inch long joint, slowly letting the smoke linger in his lungs before exhaling.

“I guess my colleagues are kinda pissed at me for pulling a fast one,” he said with a girlish giggle, then tore into a bag of Doritos, sending them flying across the floor.

“But what the fuck, I can smoke pot!”

/* Text Domain: silverorchid */

Comments

  1. Kids like Jaxon Stormes of Colorado Springs who needs medical
    weed for severe seizures.

  2. Denny jester says:

    Lets all smoke make the u.s.a. A better happer place.they fast food chains be booming when people get the munches

  3. Erin N. says:

    This is going to provide much needed jobs at 7-11’s all over the nation. God bless him.

  4. thatoneguy420 says:

    Congressman Sal Dennison is my hero.

  5. justils@yahoo.com says:

    so…… wtf is this real or not? i hope it is it would be the first real step to fix a long ongoing stupid problem in d.c. if its real then give that guy my number ill bet hes got great smoke!

  6. There are many persuasive arguments on why America should legalize marijuana, and the reasons are sound, but the fact that many millions of Americans have used pot has not translated into real political pressure on the people who can change the laws. One of the problems inhibiting legalization is that people that smoke pipes or joints are not considered serious or mature. It is This stigma that scares many pot users to hide that they smoke pot. Therefore the Reality of who smokes pot and how much the smoke is very different than it seems. The last three presidents were admitted pot users and by my Understanding the same is probably true of the first three presidents as well. Marijuana Legislation is very serious and has everything with how we define what it means to be American. What credence do we as Americans give the rights of the individual to the pursuit of happiness as well as a right to privacy? In the end it is up to us to be public about our choices and to Voice our opinions to the ones that ultimately decide what the rules are. Every hand written Letter that makes it to a representative is considered to be the voice of a thousand people who did not take the time to write. Send an email, send a letter make a phone call and get counted.
    IMPIart.com

  7. m.bales says:

    you people are morons

  8. Heather says:

    This isn’t real.
    It was meant to be only a joke.

    Read the whole thing, lol how can you take it seriously??

    Used only as satire.

  9. "MOSE" says:

    “MOSE” ‘BOUT TIME SOMETHIN’ WENT RIGHT IN CONGRESS!”

  10. Kaely says:

    LMAO! thats so fuckin wonderful. dude he took the first step for legalization!

    i admit when i first read the headline i thought it was pretty selfish but then i realized he’s just a typical stoner and maybe with this he can help legalize it for everyone.

  11. Lisa says:

    We all want him to share,so come on sir help us out too!

  12. Lisa says:

    He should legillize it for everyone,not just for himself!Polititions should be for the people,not just thinking of themselfs!Maybe we should all go over to his house and he’ll share!

  13. Greg says:

    I had to stop smoking my medicine because of the laws here in Florida.
    My pain doctor told me that if I do not stop i will lose ALL my man made
    pain meds for life.
    Now I am in more pain and in bed 24/7.
    I get piss tested 2 times a month and medicare pays the doctor $220.00 a test.
    Is this fair..no it`s not..
    But I guess the law is the law.
    I am a disabled US Veteran with NO help from the Va.
    I guess this is what I get for the Love I have for America when I
    joined the Military when I was 17 years old.
    PLEASE go to pufmm.org

  14. David says:

    @Eugene – your data must be obsolete and out of date.

    I’m sure that Speaker Pelosi would know who is in the congressional delegation.

  15. mr.smyth says:

    Congressman legalizes pot for himself http://digg.com/d110uls <– God bless America

  16. Although a novel idea and a great article….there is no such congressman. Here is a complete list of Ohio’s Representatives: http://www.govtrack.us/congress/findyourreps.xpd?state=OH

  17. MARIA says:

    HE SHOULD LEGALIZE IT FOR
    EVERYONE. THAT WAS GREEDY.

  18. MARIA says:

    HE SHOULD HAVE LEGALIZED IT FOR EVERYONE

  19. Wilman says:

    Holy Shit!!! This Guy should be president!!! "Congressman legalizes pot for himself" http://bit.ly/7LGVS

  20. Congressman legalizes pot for himself http://bit.ly/1Vp06
    Rep. Dennison is the only American legally allowed to use marijuana for any reason

  21. Norman Lepoff, M.D. ret. says:

    Good job, Congressman Dennison.

  22. Missippi Hippy says:

    C’mon now, share with the rest of us.

  23. Ali Baker says:

    RT @crazywtf: Congressman legalizes pot for himself #wtf http://bit.ly/zIZW2

  24. RT @crazywtf: Congressman legalizes pot for himself #wtf http://bit.ly/zIZW2

  25. Brenden says:

    Congressman legalizes pot… for himself http://bit.ly/7LGVS

  26. Andres says:

    dude marijuana is a serious subject, plz tell me your not lieing….


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