Filed Under: "sarah palin"
Republicans Reject No-Lie Zone
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Opposing efforts by Democrats in Congress to pass a no-lie zone over the nation’s capital, Republican lawmakers say they will defeat any legislation requiring honest discourse and veracity from elected officials.
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Tea Party Offers Pledge to America
A Tea Party Pledge to America We as Republicans, under the guise of a separate entity known as the Tea Party, offer the following: A Plan to Improve the Constitution We will repeal and replace the First Amendment with the Second. We will add Fox News as the newly created fourth branch of government. A
Masturbators Choose O’Donnell Over Palin
DOVER, DE — Images of anti-masturbation crusader Christine O’Donnell, the Tea Party’s newest phenomenon, are preferred two-to-one over those of Sarah Palin, according to a survey of 1000 compulsive masturbators. The participants in the “Best to Come” survey sponsored by
Palin Proposes ‘Mound of Mexicans’ to Stop Oil Leak
WASILLA, AK (TheSkunk.org) — Sarah Palin submitted a proposal today to stop illegal immigration and the oil spill at the same time by using those who have entered this country unlawfully to form a giant “Mound of Mexicans,” large enough to plug the leak. Palin’s proposal, praised
The Skunk News | January 2010
The Skunk News Webcast from January 2010. John McCain’s new book. More on Tiger Woods. Obama’s Hollywood dreams.
GOP Opposes ‘Public Option’ for Haitians
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today strongly condemned President Obama’s use of a government funded “public option” to provide medical aid to Haitian earthquake victims. “We don’t want the government to get between Haitians and their doctors,” said Congressman Buck McKeon
Palin Fans Can’t Read Book
FORKS BEND, KY – Some fans of Sarah Palin were disappointed with the former Alaska Governor’s best seller, “Going Rogue,” when they realized they were unable to decipher its contents. “Quite, frankly, I thought there’d be more pictures in it,” explained Riley Bartod,
Palin Accidentally Burns Her Own Book
ANTWILLIE, TENN — Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin attended a book burning rally Friday, where she unwittingly participated in the incineration of hundreds of copies of her upcoming autobiography “Going Rogue.” Palin made the planned stop at the small Church of Righteous Indignation to
Palin Vagina Announces Run for Senate
The vagina of former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced this morning its plan to run for the Senate seat from Alaska in 2010. The vagina said it is no longer associated with Palin, and looks forward to expressing its own views, independent of the former Alaska governor. “I’ve been
Sarah Palin to run for Governor of Alaska
ANCHORAGE — Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has announced plans to run for Governor of Alaska in the 2010 election. Citing her self-abbreviated previous term as Chief Executive of the country’s largest state, the dropout governor asserted that her two-and-a-half-years-in-office gives
Palin Baby to Be Sacrificed to Volcano Gods
JUNEAU, AK — Sniglet Palin, three-year-old daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, is scheduled to be thrown into Mt. Redoubt, a 10,197-foot active volcano 103 miles west of Anchorage, to please the fire gods. “We’re not going to wait until she’s euthanized by some ‘Death Panel’
Alaska Supreme Court to Rule on Partial-Term Administrations
JUNEAU, AK — No sooner did Governor Sarah Palin decide to abort her term in office after serving only two-and-a-half years, than debate began among Alaskans as to what constitutes a so-called “partial-term” administration. The Alaska Supreme Court today is hearing arguments on both
Palin Pronounced Brain-Dead
WASILLA, AK — Governor Sarah Plain was pronounced brain-dead Friday after reporters found her outside her home, mumbling incoherently. Wasilla Fire Department Capt. Ben Stemple said that paramedics responded to a 911 call from the home. When they arrived, Palin was telling reporters that she was
Republicans Propose Ayatollah System for U.S.
WASHINGTON, DC – In a speech at a recent Republican fundraiser, former House Speaker New Gingrich proposed that the United States adopt an Iranian-style Ayatollah form of government. “We can keep the showy remnants of our democracy,” explained Gingrich, “while ceding ultimate power to a
Palin’s daughter gives birth to Democrat
ANCHORAGE, Alaska – The teenage daughter of former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gave birth to a Democrat on Sunday, marking an ironic resolution to the controversy surrounding the unwed teen mother. 18-year-old Bristol Palin gave birth to Frickin Johnston on Sunday. The 7 pound,
Santa Won’t be Coming to Your Town
Santa is skipping Christmas this year. In this video, he explains why.
Palin Caught in Prank Jesus Call
JUNEAU, AK — Former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin had a brief phone conversation with a man she believed was Jesus Christ, who promised to make her president in 2012. The call was later revealed to be a prank. “The voice sounded like it could easily have been that of our lord
The Academy of Sarah Palin Look-Alikes
Ever wonder where all those Sarah Palin look-alikes come from?
Gov. Palin to be Replaced with SNL’s Tina Fey
NEW YORK — In yet another stunning announcement from the McCain campaign, the Republican presidential nominee said that he will be replacing his vice presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, with Tina Fey, the writer-producer-actor who portrayed Palin in a series of sketches on Saturday Night
Russian Plans to Invade Alaskan Air Space Thwarted by Governor Palin
WASILLA, AK– A secret Russian military operation designed to fly President Putin through Alaskan airspace and return him safely to Moscow was thwarted by Governor Sarah Palin, when she went on a major American television network and revealed the plan. “As Putin rears his head and comes
Pelosi on Palin: Way too Young
WASHINGTON — Representative Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives and second in line for the presidency, expressed her disappointment in the selection of Sarah Palin as the Republican VP candidate, saying that John McCain, 72, should have selected
Lipstick-Wearing Pig Offended by McCain Comments
FAIRFAX, VA — John McCain accused Senator Obama today of making a disparaging reference to Gov. Sarah Palin by uttering the phrase “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” This offended Osco, a locally raised, lipstick-wearing pig
Sarah Palin to Celebrate Election Victory by Getting Pregnant
LEBANON, Ohio — Gov. Sarah Palin expects to win the vice presidency of the United States, and when she does, her fist order of business is to get herself “in a family way” — again. “How wonderful it would be to conceive a child in the
Hillary Voters Change Minds About Important Issues to Vote for Palin
PHILADELPHIA, PA — A surprising BSN poll conducted this morning indicated that almost half of the women who supported Hillary Clinton in the primaries have dramatically changed their opinions on major liberal issues, just so they can vote for Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in
Warren Jeffs Finds Republicanism in Prison
DRAPER, UT — Disgraced cult leader and delusional kiddie-pimp Warren Jeffs, currently serving 10 years to life at Utah State Prison, has started a fresh chapter in his life with the declaration of his newly inspired devotion to the Republican party. Jeffs attributes his rebirth to the selection
McCain Names Cheerleader Secretary of State
MINNEAPOLIS – On the tails of his controversial vice-presidential selection, Senator John McCain has made yet another startling announcement, this time telling an audience of steelworkers that 16-year-old Emma Rae Schurr of Bulls Gap, Tennessee will be his
Psychic Predicts Complete Text of McCain Acceptance Speech
ST. PAUL, MN / SPECIAL TO THE SKUNK — The head psychic on staff at TheSkunk.org has peered into the mind of John McCain to obtain the highly guarded acceptance speech he will be delivering tonight at the Republican Convention. What follows is the full speech, pieced together directly from Senator
Palin’s Three-Year-Old Daughter Pregnant
ST. PAUL — Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin announced today that her three-year-old daughter, Sniglet, is four-months pregnant. “We’re very proud that Sniglet has chosen to keep the baby,” said Palin, “and prouder that she was able to do it without any instruction
