'Plumber Joe' Replaced by 'Crack Whore Wanda'

AKRON, OH — In a speech today, Senator McCain alluded to a young prostitute named Wanda he had recently met, who sells her body on street corners and dark alleyways.  “Wanda is a working, single mother, and shouldn’t have to pay increased taxes,” said McCain.  “I trust her to do a better job with her own money than the government, but under Senator Obama’s tax policies, she wouldn’t have enough cash to pay her rent, compensate her pimp and purchase a supply of clean needles. ”

Senator Obama disagreed, saying that under his plan people like Wanda would actually see a tax-cut.  “High-paid call-girls and escorts would see a rise in their taxes, but the average streetwalker, crack whore and massage girl would see a reduction,” he said.  “And in truth, if she hires other girls to work for her, she will actually receive a tax credit.”

But McCain fired back.  “Not only would hard-working, young women like Wanda suffer under a President Obama administration,” he said, “but Leroy, the man who sets up appointments for her and keeps her in line when she misbehaves, wouldn’t have enough money at the end of the day to purchase the necessities of his business, like advertising or assault weapons.”

Obama explained that Wanda and others in her profession would actually have more money at the end of the day once the economy turns around.  “When consumers have confidence about their finances,” he said, “they spend more on leisure items, like boats, sporting equipment and dangerous sex.”

“Help is on its way, Wanda,” said Senator McCain, looking directly into a TV camera.  “If you will entrust me with your vote, I assure you that the prosperity of the wealthiest Americans will trickle down you.”