RURAL FALLS, TN — A group of Atheists converged upon a vacant lot belonging to a neighborhood church and — without permission or approval — built a contemporary two-story library, filling it with books of every type.
Pastor Robert Hardingdale, the head minister of the Church of Compassion, expressed his outrage, calling it an act of “domestic terrorism” and demanding a complete investigation from authorities. “The perpetrators have demonstrated a total disregard for the diversity of belief in America,” he said. “We will not be silenced while these thugs terrorize us in this manner.”
The atheists arrived with hammers and nails, bulldozers, electrical conduit and paint. Some carried signs that read, “Read Your Darwin,” and “Science Loves You.” And then there were the books; thousands of books were unloaded from dozens of trucks into the new facility. They were carefully catalogued and positioned on hand-finished, hardwood shelves.
Atheist spokesperson John Caron told reporters this is “just the beginning,” and pledged to “construct libraries at every church in America.” Caron said that his group had tried repeatedly to sit down with religious authorities, but to no avail. “Time and time again they refused to speak with us,” he said. “So we finally took matters into our own hands.”
“When I think about the countless lives that have been ruined because of this cowardly act,” said Pastor Hardingdale, “I’m saddened beyond belief.”
Country prosecutors have yet to decide whether or not to charge Caron and his accomplishes. “I’m not sure if there’s a law against building a state-of-the art library on someone else’s property,” said Deputy District Attorney Art Sampson. “Maybe we can get them on trespassing.”
“We will pick ourselves up,” promised Hardingdale, “and deconstruct these monuments to independent thought, brick brick. Fundamentalist Atheists can shove their books in our faces all they want, but we will not be dragged from the dark ages.”