WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a compromise to the gay and lesbian community, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said it would be willing to amend the controversial Proposition 8 initiative to allow same-sex marriages with multiple spouses.
“We feel this is a compromise that can end the controversy over Proposition 8, once and for all,” said Wiley P. Jonesboro, Communications Director for the LDS Church. “Gays traditionally enjoy numerous partners, and this gives them an opportunity for several of them to be married at one time, while preserving the sanctity of the traditional single-spouse, man-and-woman marriage.”
Polygamy, which was officially banned by the LDS in the late 19th century, has seen a rise among conservative Mormons, who view multiple marriage as an act sanctioned by God.
Leaders in the LGBT community were initially outraged at this suggestion, calling it a public relations ploy, bigoted and unjust. After some soul searching, however, a majority of them warmed-up to the idea.
“If the only way to marry legally is to share my bed with ten or twelve partners,” said Brendan Karpolini, a personal trainer and gay activist, “I’m willing to make that sacrifice.”
Local city clerks’ offices throughout the state have been deluged with requests for thousands of “Gaylygamy” licenses, but Mary Platt, a West Hollywood attorney, said that might be unnecessary. “Since all same-sex spouses would be able to marry as many spouses as often as they like,” she explained, “we really only need two wedding ceremonies. Every gay man in the state can be legally married to every other gay man in the state; and all gay women can be married to all the other gay women.”
Gays and lesbians have approved Platt’s plan to create two all-inclusive, same-sex families, but they have yet to agree on their respective new surnames, and whether a priest, rabbi, minister or shaman will perform the marriages.
“It doesn’t matter much who conducts the ceremony.” added Karpolini, “The catering will be out of this world.”