ANCHORAGE, Alaska – The teenage daughter of former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gave birth to a Democrat on Sunday, marking an ironic resolution to the controversy surrounding the unwed teen mother.
18-year-old Bristol Palin gave birth to Frickin Johnston on Sunday. The 7 pound, 4 ounce baby emerged from the teen’s vagina wearing an Obama-Biden campaign pin and a UAW baseball cap.
The father, Levi Johnston, told reporters that he was hoping for a Republican, or at least a very conservative Klansman. The former high school hockey player and avid hunter admitted he was a little shocked to learn that a girl can get pregnant even if you “whip it out of the bitch and cum on her tits,” but that he was still looking forward to taking his redneck son out to “go shoot us some faggots.”
At the Republican convention, Johnston announced his intention to marry Bristol. After the child’s political affiliation was revealed, however, he denied knowing the Palins and fled across the Bering Strait to a portion of Russia well out-of-view from the mainland.
Bristol was on her way to Nebraska to abandon the child at an emergency hospital, but the governor convinced her to keep the liberal bastard. “There’s never been a Democrat in our family,” said Gov. Palin, “but rest assured we’ll be praying every day for God to change it.”