OKALHOMA CITY (TheSkunk.org) — An information technology consultant was banned for life by Goodwill Industries from donating any more of his “crap.”
For years, computer whiz Mark Permagora would gather up his worn-out clothes and bring them to his local Goodwill retail store.
Store employees surprised him last week, however, by refusing to accept two grocery bags overflowing with his personal garments.
“Even poor people don’t want to dress like freaks,” explained district supervisor Abu Helnorksi, who said Permagora’s unstylish outfits and velvet pants stay on the shelves for years. “We can’t even give them away, unless we throw in a pack of Marlboros or something.”
Workers then loaded Permagora’s car with piles of “unsaleable” clothing he had previously donated, telling the computer whiz never to return.
“We’ve always had a policy of graciously accepting any and all donations,” noted Helnorski, a veteran who lost both his legs in the Iraq war, “but after years of being insulted by this guy’s extreme bad taste, we simply had to draw the line.”
Goodwill has banned Permagora from entering any of its 2300 stores nationwide, according to Helnorski. “Just because someone’s destitute or physically impaired,” he added, “doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of style.
The experience has prompted some serious soul-searching on the part of Permagora. “I thought I was making a difference in the lives of the disadvantaged,” he lamented. “And now I learn that homeless people would rather run around naked than be seen in my wardrobe. It’s a little humbling.”
“We’re not Vogue Magazine,” admitted Helnorski, “but we have blind guys on payroll who know the difference between cotton and polyester.”