Pedophiles Claim 2nd Amendment Protection

Claiming 2nd Amendment Rights

WASHINGTON — The National Pedophile Association says kidnapping and rape are constitutionally protected activities under the 2nd Amendment’s “Right to Bear Arms” clause.

NPA president Malvern Alabaster said his organization believes the term “arms” does not merely refer to guns and rifles, but to “anything that can be inserted into another living person.”

“One can be armed with a knife, a beer bottle, a penis — or even one’s own bare arms,” quipped Alabaster, laughing at his own joke.

Alabaster, who calls himself a Christian pedophile, said he hopes the Supreme Court will strike down all the laws infringing on one’s God-given right to abduct and abuse.

He said his members see this as a “basic constitutional issue,” dating back to George Washington.

“Our forefathers realized, after fighting the British, that abducting children and bringing them back to the troops to relieve the stress of battle was necessary to ensure our freedom,” he explained.

“That’s implicit in the 2nd Amendment,” he added. “Any idiot can see that.”

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