HOLLYWOOD (TheSkunk.org) — Producers of the Academy Award nominated film Argo have decided to use digital technology to replace Ben Affleck with another, better actor.
“Ben did such a terrific job directing the film,” said George Clooney, who served as one of the producers, “that we all sort of overlooked his cardboard, emotion-starved performance.”
According to Clooney, who won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for the 2004 movie Syriana, the plan is to digitally remove Affleck from every frame of film and replace him with either Johnny Depp or a younger, CGI version of Clooney, himself.
“A lot of people who have seen the film don’t realize that Ben Affleck is actually playing a character in it,” noted Clooney. “They think he accidentally got in the way of the camera while they were shooting. And others don’t believe he was in the movie at all; they think it was a wooden mannequin made to look like Ben Affleck.”
Clooney believes the poor casting choice cost Affleck a nomination in the Best Director category.
Affleck remained defiant, defending his decision. “I auditioned a lot of actors for that role,” he said, “but when it came down to making the final choice, I realized I was the only one who could bring the depth and passion that I brought to the screen in Pearl Harbor and Reindeer Games.”
Clooney has been conducting test screenings to gauge audience reaction to replacing the lead. “I’ve been telling people when they see the film to kind of squint when Ben comes on the screen and pretend it’s me,” he said. “Sure enough, when they leave the theater, all they talk about is my performance.”
The revised, non-Affleck version will hit theaters sometime in Fall 2013, just in time for next year’s Oscars.
“Who knows?” added Clooney. “Next year at this time I might have a shot at a Best Actor nomination for the Argo remake.”