WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — A new study conducted by the U.S. Department of Commerce shows a connection between an increase in contract killings — so-called “murders for hire” — and the latest upward tick in the economy.
Category: Skunk Classics
BP to Build Museum Dedicated to Species It Destroyed
PORT FOURCHON, LA (TheSkunk.org) — BP announced today it will spend $50 million to build a museum dedicated to the plants and animals that have become extinct as a result of the company’s disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
Travel Industry Encourages Poor to Take More Vacations
WASHINGTON — A report issued today by the United States Census Bureau revealed that poor Americans are not going on vacation nearly as often as their wealthy counterparts.
Disney Cigarettes Debut at Magic Kingdom
Fans of Walt Disney will now have the opportunity to smoke the very same tobacco that took the life of their beloved hero.
Wal-Mart Seeks to Hire its First Jew
BENTONVILLE, AR – Desiring to showcase its commitment to diversity, Wal-Mart is looking to hire a Jew in one of its 4200 stores nationwide.
“We are reaching out to the Jewish community,” Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke told reporters. “We want to let Jews know they have a home here.”
Kellogg’s Orders Recall After Child Finds Toy Inside Cereal
Kellogg’s has recalled two-million cases of Frosted Flakes after an eight-year-old child discovered a toy car hidden inside the cereal.
Compulsive Masturbator Banned from Sperm Bank
Oliver Kertockum visited the clinic every day for the last three years. When he arrived last Friday, however, staffers refused to hand over the sterile collection cup, and instead demanded he seek professional help.
Demolition Company Hiring Suicide Bombers
For the last half century, this world-renowned demolitions company has been using its cutting-edge technology to bring down skyscrapers and other concrete and steel monuments to human achievement.
Man Gives Right Nut for a Beer
GARDEN GROVE, CA – Lee Joseph Flanders told the clerk at the corner liquor store last Wednesday that he was so thirsty he would “give his right nut for a beer,” but when he reached for his wallet to purchase a 32-ounce Molson Lager, he came up a few dollars short.
Americans Flee to Guatemala to Escape Bleak Job Market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.
