Trump Renames ‘Greenland’ to ‘White Land’ 
Trump to Remove Indigo from Color Spectrum 
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
At Carnival, Every Deck is a Poop Deck
Carnival Cruise Line’s new “Go Where You Are” policy allows passengers to complete their business wherever they are on the ship.
Pope Offered Job as Tobacco Lobbyist
Ending days of speculation on what Pope Benedict XVI will be doing in retirement now that he has announced his resignation, the Pontiff told reporters he has accepted a job with RJ Reynolds Tobacco, and will be working to help Congress draft laws that are “sensible for the tobacco industry.”
Fugitive Squirrel Lurking Somewhere in Neighborhood
Deputies are combing the neighborhood for the suspected nut grabber.
Who is Wayne LaPierre?
Devil? Purveyor of Death? Just who is this guy who wants to arm America to the hilt?
The Jobs Report
Steve Jobs returns to earth as a ghost, communicating with mortals through an iPhone and scaring the sh*t out of Apple CEO Tim Cook.
AAA Warns Members of Government ‘Car Grabbers’
“If the government sends their black helicopters to come after our cars,” said AAA President and CEO Robert Darbelnet, “they will be in for the fight of their lives.”
Les Misérables Secret Revealed: Directing Was All Pre-Recorded
Les Misérables actors took directions from director Tom Hooper’s prerecorded video
10 New State Laws for 2013
Ten new state laws you should know about.
Detective Dan, Professional Crap Sniffer
Detective Dan can identify over 3000 different varieties of feces just by smelling them, yet he still can’t find a woman to settle down with.
Historic Document Reveals Founding Fathers Wanted Mentally Ill to Kill Many People at Once
“A free state must not constrain an individual from eradicating his fellow citizens en masse,” wrote Adams.
