Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
Disneyland to Remove Matterhorn, Replace with Tilt-A-Whirl 
Abortions Allowed in Texas if Trump is the Father 
Who is Wayne LaPierre?
Devil? Purveyor of Death? Just who is this guy who wants to arm America to the hilt?
The Jobs Report
Steve Jobs returns to earth as a ghost, communicating with mortals through an iPhone and scaring the sh*t out of Apple CEO Tim Cook.
AAA Warns Members of Government ‘Car Grabbers’
“If the government sends their black helicopters to come after our cars,” said AAA President and CEO Robert Darbelnet, “they will be in for the fight of their lives.”
Les Misérables Secret Revealed: Directing Was All Pre-Recorded
Les Misérables actors took directions from director Tom Hooper’s prerecorded video
10 New State Laws for 2013
Ten new state laws you should know about.
Detective Dan, Professional Crap Sniffer
Detective Dan can identify over 3000 different varieties of feces just by smelling them, yet he still can’t find a woman to settle down with.
Historic Document Reveals Founding Fathers Wanted Mentally Ill to Kill Many People at Once
“A free state must not constrain an individual from eradicating his fellow citizens en masse,” wrote Adams.
Boehner Proposes Replacing Medicare with Applebee’s Coupon
Speaker John Boehner proposed replacing Medicare with a coupon good for 10% off at Applebee’s restaurants.
Apple to Manufacture iMacs in U.S. with Chinese Workers
Apple executives believe it has become financially advantageous to assemble the computers domestically, using Chinese labor.
5000 New Starbucks to Open Inside Starbucks
The store openings will ease the problem of customers not having anything to drink while waiting in line to order their drink.
