McCain Selects Obama for Running Mate

ARIZONA – In a surprise move early this morning, Sen. John McCain announced that Barack Obama will be his running mate for the 2008 presidential election.

“He brings a lot of voters with him,” said McCain. “He’s stronger on the economy than I am, and together the two of us would make an unbeatable team that could go head-to-head against his presidential campaign.”

Senator Obama was initially reluctant to accept McCain’s offer to become his vice presidential candidate, but after reviewing McCain’s personal medical files, he was enthusiastic about having “two chances to become president.” 

“You’d have to be an idiot from the Midwest to turn down those odds,” explained Sen. Obama.

But Republican vice presidential nominee Obama rebuked those remarks, calling them “improper” and elitist. “If that’s the kind of individual you’d want as your president, then vote for me,” he said. “However, if you’d prefer your vice president be making such comments, then you should mark your ballot for the McCain-Obama ticket.”

The Obama campaign called McCain’s selection “nothing but a political scheme.”

“Putting me on the ticket as his running mate is just a way for Sen. McCain to avoid talking substance and change,” said Obama.  “Sure, he selected a running mate who can bring him a lot of the moderate democrats and make it okay for the Hillary supporters to vote for him, but don’t be fooled; a vote for John McCain is a vote for four more years of the Bush administration – except with an ultra liberal African American as vice president.”

McCain said that his selection of Obama shows that he can work with both sides of the aisle. “My opponent hasn’t even selected a running mate,” he said. “And I think that speaks for itself about his poor decision making process.”

This unexpected twist has only served to confuse the electorate, as noted by a spokesperson for the Black Voters Caucus.  “If we vote for Obama,” he explained, “we might elect the very first black president. But if we vote for McCain, we have a chance to have the first African American vice president and president – assuming McCain, you know, doesn’t make it.”

The McCain-Obama announcement has caused a series of presidential and vice presidential debates to be cancelled.  Instead, Sen. Obama will be debating himself in a series of town hall soliloquies.