CLEVELAND — Joe the Plumber, the entrepreneur used as an example of an everyman by former presidential candidate John McCain, made it clear he wanted to extend his fifteen minutes of fame by pursuing book deals and tv contracts, but a federal court today ordered him back to the recesses of anonymity.
Judge Barry Tipton said the benefits of Joe the Plumber’s current exposure to mankind were negligible, and he ordered him to stay more than 100 feet away from news cameras, tv reporters and the set of “The View.”
“I’m devastated,” said Joe the Plumber. “I really thought I was going to be able to give up the unstuffing of toilets for a new career in front of the camera. My agent promised me an audition on ‘The Simpsons.'”
When asked if he blamed Barack Obama for his current troubles, Joe the Plumber responded, “Obama’s not the one who promised me tax breaks, hot chicks and a guest appearance on Fox News. Obama’s not the one who said ‘people will know your name,’ or ‘Help me win this thing and Cindy will buy you a plumbing company.'”
A legal appeal was unlikely, according to Joe the Plumber’s attorney, unless he can find some justification for his status as a cultural icon. “For now,” said the attorney, “he returns to being just another unlicensed, tax-evading contractor with dreams of owning his own business.”
Are his dreams of business ownership still alive? “I hope so,” he said. “I’m a terrible plumber.”