SCOURGE, AR — A gathering of racists at a local diner expressed their disappointment at the election of Barack Obama.
Mechanic Alden Miremount said he was disillusioned as he watched his dream of an all-white America fade as the nation elected its first black president. “We’ve worked so hard for so many years,” said Miremount, “to deny liberty to people who look different from us, and now all that work has been shitted away.”
“We’re a dying breed,” added Corky “Bud” Danalo. “Was a time when the color of your skin actually meant something. But now, it’s ‘Latino this, African-American that.’ This is not the America I grew up in.”
Bart Furdell, the town drunk, said only last year he’d wake up in the morning and be filled with the joy of hate. “I couldn’t stand them blacks, latinos, Asians, Jews and faggots,” he said. “This guy Obama’s elected president, and then, poof… suddenly a person’s no longer judged on the color of his skin, but on the content of his character. What’s up with that?”
“It’s like the hatred and anger have been stolen away from us,” said Danalo. “I feel so empty inside.”
How will the racists deal with an America where minorites are treated with equality?
There was only one viable option, according to Miremount. “I’m moving to Alaska,” he said. “‘Cause I really hate them Eskimos.”