SAN FRANCISCO — Apple CEO Steve Jobs has downloaded an update to his liver to correct serious vulnerabilities detected in the previous version.
The update includes many enhancements, according to a spokesperson. “It can break down fats and produce its own cholesterol,” he said, “and can now be used in either a vertical or horizontal position.”
Benefitting from improved functionality, users who install updated livers will be able to delete toxic substances automatically, and place vitamins in storage for later consumption. “It also comes with a glucose-to-glycogen converter,” noted the spokesperson, “and improved cellular service.”
Newly available applications include a blood- alcohol analyzer for hard-core users and a built-in laparoscope with auto-focus and 5 to 1 zoom.
With the latest download under his belt, Apple’s Chief Executive is expected to make a complete system recovery.