Gun Advocates Assert Right to Kill Things

Gun Owners Assert Their Rights

SEATTLE – Gun advocates staged a rally at a Starbucks Wednesday, protesting the government’s ban on killing things.

“It’s our Second Amendment right to kill anything we want, at a time and place of our choosing,” said Thomas Crendelly, head of Gun Owners Against Laws Against Killing. “It’s time for gun owners to stand up and kill something without interference from politicians.”

The coffee retailer was chosen as their gathering place because of its policy allowing weapons to be carried into its stores.

“Damn it, I ordered a ‘Tall White Mocha,'” complained GOALAK member John Ballantine, as he fired off three rounds from a Glock 23 pistol into the head of a small chihuahua brought in by a customer. “This here’s a ‘Venti!’”

Supporters of gun control legislation showed up to confront the gun owners, only to be shot and killed within minutes of their arrival.

“We own guns,” declared Crendelly. “We kill things. Get over it.”

The gun owners said they will work hard in the upcoming midterm elections, to ensure that only those candidates who support free and unfettered killings are voted into office.

“No one’s gonna take away my gun,” concluded Ballantine, “or my right to kill things with it.”


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