Osama bin Laden Seeks New Cinematographer
CAVE SOMEWHERE — Fresh off the release of his first promotional audio tape in over six months, terrorist Chief Osama Bin Laden is now shaking up his video production department.
Kellogg’s Orders Recall After Child Finds Toy Inside Cereal
Kellogg’s has recalled two-million cases of Frosted Flakes after an eight-year-old child discovered a toy car hidden inside the cereal.
Compulsive Masturbator Banned from Sperm Bank
Oliver Kertockum visited the clinic every day for the last three years. When he arrived last Friday, however, staffers refused to hand over the sterile collection cup, and instead demanded he seek professional help.
Conan O'Brien Offered 5-Minute Show on NBC
BURBANK, CA — Conan O’Brien is being wooed back to NBC, this time with his very own five-minute show, to be aired nightly from 11:30 to 11:35 pm.
Voters Disappointed in Scott Brown's Accomplishments in U.S. Senate
BOSTON — Ever since Scott Brown was elected on Tuesday to fill the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy, Massachusetts voters have expressed their overwhelming disappointment with his inability to acccomplish anything.
Airport Screener Finds Digested Tacos in Man’s Colon
LOS ANGELES — An alert security screener at LAX yesterday discovered the digested remains of two crunchy tacos concealed inside a passenger’s colon as he was preparing to board a flight for San Francisco.
The Skunk News | January 2010
John McCain’s new book. More on Tiger Woods. Obama’s Hollywood dreams.
GOP Opposes 'Public Option' for Haitians
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today strongly condemned President Obama’s use of government money to provide medical aid to Haitian earthquake victims.
Haiti to Replace Missionaries with Jews
Haitians are asking the world to stop sending missionaries to their devastated country, and send Jews instead.
Haitians Despondent over Simon Cowell Departure from ‘Idol’
“I can’t believe he’s leaving us,” said Jean Leponte, who waded through the knee-high debris of his collapsed mud-and-stick hut, searching for his 14-year-old daughter and handmade Susan Boyle coffee mug. “The show will never be the same without his blunt brand of in-your-face honesty.”
