Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
Disneyland to Remove Matterhorn, Replace with Tilt-A-Whirl 
Abortions Allowed in Texas if Trump is the Father 
Tito Jackson Seeks to Replace Brother as 'King of Pop'
LOS ANGELES — Tito Jackson declared himself the new King of Pop today, promising to fill the void in fans’ hearts left by the death of his superstar younger brother.
Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams Slighted in Jackson Will
HOLLYWOOD — Performers Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams expressed their indignation today at being excluded from Michael Jackson’s will.
Jackson's Black Body Also Found Dead
LOS ANGELES — In a sad turn of events, the black body of Michael Jackson was found dead Wednesday, less than a week after his white one departed.
Gov. Sanford Sent Same Sex Letter to all Mistresses
Gov. Sanford sent the same sex letter to all his mistresses, and boy are they pissed.
IOUs Become Official Currency of California
SACRAMENTO — Governor Schwarzenegger today declared that IOUs will be the new currency of the State of California.
After Recount, Ahmadinejad Has 110% of Vote
TEHRAN — After an exhaustive recount of the election results, the Iranian ruling clerics have determined that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won their country’s election by a far greater margin than previously indicated, winning 110 % of the vote.
Madoff Looks Forward to Life After Prison
NEW YORK — Convicted financier Bernie Madoff, sentenced to 150 years for perpetrating the largest financial scam in history, remains optimistic about life after prison.
Bits of Plastic Found in Backyard May Be from Target
A Montana couple found bits of broken plastic buried on their property that appear to have been parts of disposal forks and knives from a retail Target store.
Shlockheads Mourn Loss of Pitchman Billy Mays
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Cases of OxiClean and the Handy Switch have been flying off the shelves in cities around the world, as distraught fans of the late Billy Mays try to hold onto a little bit of the departed pitchman’s magic.
Plans Intact for Michael Jackson to Appear in Concert
LONDON – Faced with the possibility of refunding $85 million in tickets sales, promoters for the concert series that Michael Jackson was preparing for at the time of his death have decided to honor the 750,000 pre-sold tickets and move forward with the shows.
