GM recalling 1.5M vehicles over impalings
DETROIT — General Motors Corp. is recalling 1.5 million vehicles because of potential cranial impalings. Although no one has yet died from the impalings, sudden stops at high speeds can send a heavy metal rod piercing through a driver’s skull, according to a GM press release. “We’re not sure where this piece of metal
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Congress tells Toyota, Honda, BMW to make shittier vehicles
WASHINGTON — The House Financial Services Committee issued a statement today, urging foreign car manufactures to “tone down” the quality and appeal of their products, so that the big three American car companies can compete more effectively. “If the foreign manufacturers would
Man’s Testicle Reveals Image of GM CEO
MESA, AZ — A local crossing guard claims a perfect image of GM chief executive Rick Wagoner has appeared on his left testicle. “I was masturbating last Friday, which I always do sitting
Santa Won’t be Coming to Your Town
Santa is skipping Christmas this year. In this video, he explains why. AKPC_IDS += "2083,";
Automakers form Suicide Pact
DETROIT — The chief executives from Ford, GM and Chrysler, fresh from groveling to Congress to bail their respective firms out from under their mismanagement and poor judgment, have issued a statement today outlining plans for their joint suicide. Should any of the Big Three automakers
GM CEO Says Employees will Work for $1 if Company Receives Bailout
DETROIT — On the heels of Ford CEO Alan Mulally’s promise to work for $1 per year if his company has to take any government loan money, GM Chief Rick Wagoner has upped the ante by telling Congress that if his firm receives bailout money, he will require all 15,000 GM employees to accept a
Horse and Buggy Manufacturers Seek Fed Assistance
WASHINGTON, DC — Two horse and buggy manufacturing executives made a trip to Capitol Hill on Friday, seeking government assistance for their flailing industry. During hearings before the House Financial Services Committee, George Thomas Windham, CEO of McCooder & Sons Buggy and Surrey Company,
