vice president
Pelosi on Palin: Way too Young
WASHINGTON — Representative Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives and second in line for the presidency, expressed her disappointment in the selection of Sarah Palin as the Republican VP candidate, saying that John McCain, 72, should have selected a running mate who is “even older than he is.”
Praising McCain as an aging war hero [...]
Sarah Palin to Celebrate Election Victory by Getting Pregnant
LEBANON, Ohio — Gov. Sarah Palin expects to win the vice presidency of the United States, and when she does, her fist order of business is to get herself “in a family way” — again.
“How wonderful it would be to conceive a child in the Vice President’s residence?” asked Palin, a mother of two boys [...]
McCain Names Cheerleader Secretary of State
MINNEAPOLIS - On the tails of his controversial vice-presidential selection, Senator John McCain has made yet another startling announcement, this time telling an audience of steelworkers that 16-year-old Emma Rae Schurr of Bulls Gap, Tennessee will be his Secretary of State.
Ms. Schurr is a junior at Robert E. Lee High School, where she captains the [...]
Palin’s Three-Year-Old Daughter Pregnant
ST. PAUL — Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin has announced today that her three-year-old daughter, Sniglet, is four-months pregnant.
“We’re very proud that Sniglet has chosen to keep the baby,” said Palin, “and prouder that she was able to do it without any instruction in human sexuality.”
Sniglet plans on marrying the father, 32-year-old Snippy “Just-Call-Me-Uncle” [...]
McCain Taps Beauty Queen to Rally Horny Vote
DAYTON, OH — With the announcement of Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska — a runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant — as his choice for vice president, Senator John McCain believes he is making progress in bringing the “horny” vote to his camp.
“In my search for a running mate, I realized there was one demographic [...]
McCain Selects Obama for Running Mate
ARIZONA - In a surprise move early this morning, Sen. John McCain announced that Barack Obama will be his running mate for the 2008 presidential election.
“He brings a lot of voters with him,” said McCain. “He’s stronger on the economy than I am, and together the two of us would make an unbeatable team that [...]
Obama Chooses Self for V.P.
DENVER, CO — In a stunning turn of events early this morning, Senator Barack Obama announced that he would be his own running mate in the 2008 Presidential elections.
“I’ve met with all the potential Vice Presidential candidates on my short list,” said Obama. “All very fine people, but I felt in the end that I [...]
McCain Vetting VPs over Strip Poker
John McCain will be hosting an evening of strip poker at his ranch in Sedona, Arizona, to size-up some of the contenders he is considering as potential running mates.
“It’s just a casual affair,” said McCain. “We get together, kick back a few beers and play Texas Hold ‘em until midnight — or until all of [...]
Will Christ be McCain’s Running Mate?
Florida Governor Charlie Crist will be making the case that he should be John McCain’s running mate, by legally adding an “H” to his last name.
The strategy is designed to attract the evangelical vote, long seen as an area of weakness for the McCain campaign.
“I’m going to be ‘Vice President Christ,’” said the governor. “Who [...]
Pelosi on McCain VP: Go Old
Representative Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives and third in line for the presidency, said in an interview yesterday, that John McCain, 70, should select a running mate who is “even older than he is.”
“All this emphasis on youth in our culture is nonsense,” said Pelosi. Referring to McCain as an aging war [...]
