NASA Successfully Crashes Telescope into Earth
ALICE SPRINGS, Australia — Scientists at NASA successfully completed their mission to verify the gravitational pull of an expensive item when dropped from high in the air.
Month: 15 years ago
Betty White to Portray Brittany Murphy in Bio-Pic
HOLLYWOOD — Betty White has been tapped to play the part of Brittany Murphy in a motion picture docudrama about the late actress. The 88-year-old White said she was thrilled to be cast in the role, and will do her best to breathe life into the character.
Travel Industry Encourages Poor to Take More Vacations
WASHINGTON — A report issued today by the United States Census Bureau revealed that poor Americans are not going on vacation nearly as often as their wealthy counterparts.
GOP Introduces 'Minority Rules' Bill
“The Democrats have controlled Congress with their elected majorities for too long,” declared Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “With the passage of ‘Minority Rules,’ our party’s failed strategies on financial reform and deregulation of commerce and industry will become the law of the land.”
Vatican Naval Forces Sink Shipload of Condoms
Pope Benedict ordered his heavily armed battleship, the SS Holy Ghost, to fire at the merchant ship, after learning that its cargo would prevent thousands of unwanted pregnancies and the spread of AIDS — the deadly scurge God sent to Earth to force homosexuals into the clergy.
Pope Says Pedophilia Okay if Priests ‘Pull Out’
VATICAN CITY—Announcing new guidelines on child abuse, Pope Benedict XVI said all priests have been instructed to “pull out” before climaxing.
Disney Cigarettes Debut at Magic Kingdom
Fans of Walt Disney will now have the opportunity to smoke the very same tobacco that took the life of their beloved hero.
Self-Cleaning Toilet
The World’s First Toilet to clean itself — among other things.
