Stray Dog: 'I Mounted Herman Cain's Leg'
ROANOAKE, TX — An abandoned golden retriever claims to have mounted Herman Cain’s legs on several occasions going back to 2005.
Month: 14 years ago
UCLA Blames Crushing 0-50 Loss on 'Lousy Players'
LOS ANGELES (TheSkunk.org) — UCLA Coach Rick Neuheisel blamed Saturday night’s colossal 0-50 loss against rival USC on “lousy players.”
Explosion at Sugar Refinery Causes Carameltdown
SWEETWATER, TX — An explosion at a major sugar refinery occurred last night, as stunned employees stared on with glazed expressions.
Fox News Not Reporting on Study that Says Its Viewers Are Uninformed
NEW YORK — Fox News executives decided not to report the results of a new study by Fairleigh Dickinson University that concluded Fox viewers are less informed about current events than those who receive their news from other sources — or don’t receive any news at all.
Cat Forced to Vacuum Up Its Own Fur
SAN JOSE, CA (TheSkunk.org) — A short-haired calico cat was forced by its owners Thursday to vacuum up its own fur.
Should the Government Pay to Remove Crack Houses in Blighted Neighborhoods?
“To tear down a whole house just for a few minor repairs doesn’t make any sense. Wouldn’t it be money better spent to fill in the cracks of these otherwise inhabitable homes and give a pathetic street junkie a warm place to stay to do his drug deals?”
— Brittany Headstrong,
Pharmacist,
Manhattan, KS
A.D.D. Explorer Forgets Location of Latest Discovery
An underwater explorer with attention deficit disorder discovered a legendary Spanish galleon, but forgot to record its location and can’t remember where he found it.
Cain Says He Will Take Dramatic 5‑Minute Pause Before Making Any Decisions
NASHUA, N.H. (TheSkunk.org) — Presidential hopeful Herman Cain defended the uncomfortable five minutes of silence he took trying to respond to a simple foreign policy question by claiming it was all part of his strategy to pause for five minutes before making any decision.
Temptation Alley
16-year-old Billy Jones discovers his family’s house is located behind a magical alley inhabited by magical women, all of whom are willing to have sex with him in exchange for money or heroine.
