Tibetan Monk Accidentally Sets Himself on Fire
SHIGATSE, TIBET -– A Buddhist monk accidentally set himself on fire Friday, as an admiring…
Braddon Mendelson
Justice Ginsburg to Pose for 'Women of the Supreme Court' Calendar
WASHINGTON — Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, 75, agreed to pose nude for “The Women of the Supreme Court” calendar, a project designed to raise awareness for women’s cancer.
Is Air Pollution Getting Worse?
“Yes, but with my hemorrhaging lungs and liver rankled with cancer from a lifetime of breathing, I welcome this new generation of pollutants — they afford a more balanced exposure to toxicity than in the past.”
–Susan Parks,
Manager, Mario’s Adult Videoland and Daycare
Detroit, MI
Man Ticketed for Parking Too Long at Meter
DENVER — A Colorado motorist was given a citation from a local law enforcement officer for leaving his car parked at a curbside meter several minutes after the time had expired.
Ponzi Heirs Sue Madoff for Infringement
NEW YORK — Descendants of legendary scammer Charles Ponzi (1882-1949) sued Bernard Madoff today for infringing on the rights to their patriarch’s proprietary system of bilking money from innocent investors.
Jews Demote Madoff to Arab
Once a highly-ranked, card-carrying Jew, Bernard Madoff, the mastermind behind the largest financial scam in history, has been reduced in rank to Arab.
Circuit City Sells Last of Broken Shit for 50% Off
HARDENBERG, KS — Circuit City has sold the last of its broken shit at amazing discounts of up to 50%. The electronics retailer is being liquidated after declaring bankruptcy last year.
Republicans File Bankruptcy in Court of Ideas
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican National Committee filed for bankruptcy today in the U.S. Court of Ideas, citing decades of doctrines that don’t work and an inability to generate new thoughts and workable models for society.
Obama Wants Citizens to Print their Own Money
DENVER — The way out of the country’s economic woes is to let citizens print their own money, said President Barack Obama to a cheering crowd of unemployed construction workers in the Mile High City.
Republican Senators Approve Tax Breaks for Canadians
OTTAWA — Dissatisfied with the stimulus package that made its way through Congress, and the lack of conservative input contained therein, Republican senators voted unanimously over the weekend to give tax breaks to Canadians.
