French-American Man Hates Himself
SEATTLE — A French-American man expressed deep loathingfor himself over the weekend.
Culture
Criminals Urged to Apprehend Themselves
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an attempt to lower costs for law enforcement, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is asking lawbreakers to turn themselves in as part of his “Arrest Yourself” campaign. He spelled out details of the program at a press conference Tuesday.
Advertisers Slow Down Commercials for DVR Users
NEW YORK — Having gotten wise to television viewers fast-forwarding through advertisements on their DVRs, advertisers have decided to slow down their commercials to 25% of normal speed.
Writers’ Union to Euthanize Strike Breakers
LOS ANGELES — The Writers Guild of America, the collective bargaining organization for professional Hollywood screen and television writers, has published a list of three of its members who will be euthanized for crossing picket lines during the 2007 strike.
'lectronic Overload
Technology tiring you out? You might have a case of ‘lectronic Overload. An original Music Video from TheSkunk.org.
Katie Holmes to Play Nicole Kidman in Cruise Biopic
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Katie Holmes has been cast in the role of Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise’s first wife, in a biographical motion picture about the life of the leading man.
Rush Limbaugh Regrets Not Holding Michael Jackson
In his nationally syndicated radio program, Rush Limbaugh regretted not holding Michael Jackson in his arms before the pop idol passed away last month.
New Rules Allow Celebrities to Die Four at a Time
New rules issued today make it okay for public figures to kick the bucket in groups of four.
Michael Jackson to be Buried in Little Boy’s Ass
Pop icon Michael Jackson has proven to be as unconventional in death as he was in life. According to a Jackson family spokesperson, once the King of Pop’s remains are cremated, his ashes will be laid to rest deep inside the buttocks of a little boy.
Premature Ejaculator Gets Second Date
PITTSBURGH — High school senior Sean Allwinter prematurely ejaculated in his pants last Friday while on a first date with classmate Brenda Hendricks. Now she has agreed to go out with him again.
