Science & Tech

Ketchup Linked to Lower Risk of Death

Ketchup Adds Years to Life

Researchers found that habitual ketchup users had a lower risk of death than their snobby, elitist counterparts. Subjects who went through four or five bottles per week lived the longest.

Google Takes Street View into People's Houses, Apartments

Google takes its Street View program into people's homes

Google photographers will be sent into every residential house and apartment across the country, photographing each bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, nook, and cranny.

A.D.D. Explorer Forgets Location of Latest Discovery

A.D.D. Explorer Forgets Location of Discovery

An underwater explorer with attention deficit disorder discovered a legendary Spanish galleon, but forgot to record its location and can’t remember where he found it.

Bachmann Would Replace Space Shuttle with Angels

Michele Bachmann's Plan for the U.S. Space Program

STILLWATER, MINN ( — Rep. Michelle Bachman today said that if she becomes president, she would replace NASA’s erstwhile space shuttle program with angels from heaven.

Doctor Makes Diagnoses Using Episodes of 'House'

Real-life doctor turns to House for advice.

A prominent physician turns to the Fox medical drama “House” to help diagnose his most difficult cases.

New Report: Patience No Longer a Virtue

ARLINGTON, VA ( — After reviewing the results of a nationwide study, the American Psychiatric Association has removed “patience” from its list of virtues in the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

'Shroud of Urine' Authenticity Disputed in New Study

VATICAN CITY ( — The stained cloth that was allegedly wrapped around the loins of Jesus to absorb his final urination is a fake, according to a prominent scientist.

‘Groin Bomber’ Apprehended by TSA

TSA Apprehends Groin Bomber

MIAMI ( — A man with a fleshy, cylindrical apparatus dangling from his groin was arrested today as he tried to board a plane destined for New York.

Obama Sets Goal of Fake Mars Landing in 10 Years

WASHINGTON ( — President Obama today outlined his new direction for the space program by setting the goal of faking a landing on the surface of Mars by the end of the decade.

Heterosexual Couple to Adopt Gay Baby

Couple to adopy gay baby

TRENTON, NJ ( — Unable to conceive their own homosexual child, a straight married couple is seeking to adopt a gay baby, according to state authorities.