Everyone in Loan Business Going to Prison
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — The U.S. Department of Justice today announced major prosecutorial action against the entire banking industry.
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Increase in Contract Killings Sign of Economic Recovery
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — A new study conducted by the U.S. Department of Commerce shows a connection between an increase in contract killings — so-called “murders for hire” — and the latest upward tick in the economy.
Obama Urges Citizens to Hearken Back to the Obama of 2008
FENTON, IL (TheSkunk.org) — In a commencement address before 300 graduating high school seniors, President Obama urged Americans to recall with fondness the era of his presidential campaign of 2008, which he referred to as “good times for all.”
Obama Sets Timetable for War on Poverty
Declaring that the United States will not commit itself to another unending, unwinnable conflict, President Obama today called for a complete withdrawal from the War on Poverty within 18 months.
Canadian Goose Who Survived Collision with US Airways Flight 1549 Dies in Gulf Spill
A four-year-old Canada goose, who nearly died in a bird strike when his flock was vaporized in the engine of an Airbus A320-214 that crash-landed in the Hudson River in 2009, was found dead of oil poisoning on the Louisiana shoreline.
Arizona to Lower Concrete Boxes over Illegal Immigrants
Arizona lawmakers today enacted legislation giving local police permission to lower thousands of 100-ton containers directly over the heads of suspected illegal immigrants.
Military Proposes ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Suck’ Policy
“We believe this rule will greatly reduce the amount of oral copulation occurring on the battlefield,” said Gates. “The United States can no longer afford to have our men in uniform mouth-fucking one another in time of war.”
Gun Advocates Assert Right to Kill Things
“It’s our Second Amendment right to kill anything we want, at a time and place of our choosing,” said Thomas Crendelly, head of Gun Owners Against Laws Against Killing. “It’s time for gun owners to stand up and kill something without interference from politicians.”
Senator Wants Nation’s Jobless to be His Servants
“They should consider it an internship,” said Bunning. “They will learn the inner workings of my life — where I keep the toilet paper, for instance, and how I clip my toenails — while gaining valuable, real-world job experience.”
Americans Turn to Haiti for Medical Care
To stay alive, Arlindi knew he would have to travel to the devastated third-world country.
