Trump Renames ‘Greenland’ to ‘White Land’ 
Trump to Remove Indigo from Color Spectrum 
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
GOP: New Fonts Will Attract Voters
“People want the GOP to stop using the same old typeface,” explained Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, “and replace it with something that is more visually alluring.”
North Dakota Bill Allows Fetuses to Own Guns
North Dakota became the first state on Monday to pass fetal firearm legislation, which extends 2nd Amendment rights to the unborn.
Boy Scouts to Remove ‘Friendly, Courteous, Kind’ from Scout Law
“As a private organization, we can legally discriminate against anyone,” said BSA Executive Vice President Leonard Moffatt. “For example, if we thought the Jewish boys were getting too powerful, we could ban them altogether.”
Mitt Romney 'Shellshocked' After Losing Papal Election to Argentine Socialist
According to a senior adviser, Romney was “shellshocked” upon learning that he lost the papacy to Jorge Mario Bergoglio, now known as Pope Francis.
Rand Paul Pisses on Floor of Senate Chamber for 13 Hours
Paul said the purpose of his marathon urination session was to delay the vote on the confirmation of John Brennan as CIA director, by “making the Senate floor really uncomfortable to walk on.”
LaPierre Plan Would Allow Infants to Purchase Guns
NRA chief Wayne LaPierre proposed eliminating the minimum age requirement for purchasing firearms.
Wayne LaPierre ‘Terrified’ by Guns
NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre told reporters Thursday that he is “absolutely terrified” by guns and has never fired one in his entire life.
Producers of 'Argo' to Digitally Replace Ben Affleck with Better Actor
Producers of the Academy Award nominated film Argo have decided to use digital technology to replace Ben Affleck with another, better actor.
Man Who Watched Entire Dorner Saga Unfold on TV Claims Reward Money
An unemployed bartender who watched the entire Dorner investigation on TV was the recipient of the $1 million reward.
