McCain Selects Obama for Running Mate
ARIZONA – In a surprise move early this morning, Sen. John McCain announced that Barack Obama will be his running mate for the 2008 presidential
Obama Chooses Self for V.P.
DENVER, CO — In a stunning turn of events early this morning, Senator Barack Obama announced that he would be his own running mate in
McCain Drilling Plan: Pump Oil Directly into Ocean
NEW ORLEANS, LA — John McCain announced today a plan for offshore rigs to pump oil directly into the ocean.
McCain Vetting VPs over Strip Poker
John McCain will be hosting an evening of strip poker at his ranch in Sedona, Arizona.
Cheney to Build Abu Ghraib Amusement Park
Dick Cheney plans to build a theme park inspired by the infamous Baghdad prison complex. Located just outside Philadelphia, not far from Independence Hall, Fifty Flags Over Abu Ghraib will be an entertaining tribute to the administration of President George W. Bush.
McCain Sets New Record for Use of Term "Surge"
LOS ANGELES – Before an audience of mostly independent voters, Senator John McCain mentioned the word “Surge” four-hundred, eighteen times, setting a new record for
Palestinian Athlete Refuses to Breathe Same Air as Israeli Team
A Palestinian Olympic swimmer has declared he will not “breathe the same air” as the Israeli athletes.
"Marriage"
mar · riage (mar’ ij) n. Union between a man and the woman he will eventually leave for his younger, more attractive mistress. SEE: JOHN MCCAIN,
Chinese Accuse Phelps of Performance Enhancement
BEIJING — Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps has been accused by Chinese officials of ingesting highly nutritious substances to enhance his performance in the swimming events. Chow Li Lo, the president of China’s Olympic Committee, says initial tests showed increased levels of vitamins, antioxidants and “other nutrients” in Phelps’s blood.
McCain to Defend Georgia with “Surge of One”
WASHINGTON, DC — John McCain has volunteered to pilot an F-16 to confront the Russian army and put an end to the fighting in Georgia.
