WASHINGTON, DC — Senator John McCain announced an unexpected windfall profit is headed our way and he will use it to pay off the national debt.
“I received an urgent, photocopied letter from Doctor Willobee Ogu, the president of the Bank of Nigeria, in an email attachment,” said McCain. “After deciphering his poor use of English, I learned that his bank has seven-hundred-trillion dollars in oil revenues that they need to get out of the country.”
Senator McCain said that greedy Nigerian officials are apparently using Section 419 of the Nigerian Legal Code to prevent the lawful transfer of this money across the border, “unless they are compensated up-front.”
“All the U.S. government has to do is come up with ten million dollars,” continued McCain, “which Dr. Ogu has graciously agreed to take directly from the Federal Reserve, via electronic transfer, so he can pay these advance fees to the various officials. In exchange for our services, he offered to remunerate us sixty percent. That’s sixty percent of seven-hundred trillion dollars. Now, I’m not a math whiz, but I’m sure we could pay off everything and still keep the war going in Iraq.”
If the Senator is elected president, he has been requested to immediately fly to Nigeria — without his visa or secret service agents — to work out the details.
“This beats anything the Democrats have on the table,” said McCain. “It’s a good thing I check my spam filter.”
Editor’s Note: More information on the Nigerian Advance Fee Plan is available on the Federal Trade Commission’s Website